Are You? Were You? – Martine M.

My mind is yelling NO, but my heart won’t let go
My soul, constantly proclaiming that You are!, knows that without You, I have no where to go:
I’m all alone, in the dark
Yet I can’t help but wonder: Are You?

Were You?
When I couldn’t contain my tears, talk-less contain myself.
In pain, I was propelled back to infancy, unable to walk or move freely
But unlike a baby, I was not cute and cuddly
And I had no one there to soothe me
Were You?
When my friends were being promoted, right, left and center.
Marriages, babies, jobs: name it, they had it.
Yet there I was repeating: “would you like your receipt sir?”

I asked, but never received, nothing ever came
Were You?

I Am is what You are. But it tells me nothing of where You are!
Where were You when You were supposed to be with me? When You were supposed to be?
I’ve considered waving a white flag but where would I go?
Without You, I’d be lost because You’re all I know.
You are my truth and my way… my ways have become foolishness to the world…
But why do I still feel unfit for You? Unwanted?
And when I look ahead, I see no light. So scared…
I freeze…
and let the world advance at its pace…
Twenty-Four hours at a time…

Yet, every morning, as the sun rises and its rays shine through my living room windows, its heat slowly melts away my frost bitten thoughts.
Indeed, the sun rises: my daily reminder that The Son once rose to shine away the darkness and to give me life.
An everyday reminder to this mind that’s saying no, that my heart will triumph and never let go.
Soon, my mind will no longer whisper no. It will follow my soul.
This soul that knows that without You, I have nowhere to go.
Because no matter where You are, You are and have always been: I AM THAT I AM

~M.M